MELODY IN MY HEART

Mel playing softball in high school

The single worst day of my life, February 8, 2015, marked the end of the horror that began five months prior, when melanoma snuffed out my sister’s last breath of life and stole her away from us one month before her 53^rd birthday. Cancer invaded Melody’s left lung and staged an attack that changed a strong athletic body into skin and bones, taking her life day by day, breath by breath.

Mel had quite a few 4 hour blood transfusions

The nightmare unfolding, I watch my beautiful sister struggle for breath, the oxygen machine that started out set to 4 quickly moved up to  6, then to 8 and then, at the end, to the maximum 10 setting which still wasn’t enough. Fluid in her lungs meant that Melody couldn’t lie down to sleep. Sleep for Melody often came through one of us holding her at the kitchen table or on the couch. Using my body to prop her up I could feel the shallow breaths from her frail body working so hard, I would breathe in the smell of the sweetness of her neck and hair and at the same time a scream on the inside would cry out “Oh my God, my sister is dying in my arms”. I tried to hold it together and keep the internal scream subdued, my one goal was to remain in the pure love I felt for her and to hold her up in that love.    

Mel backpacking in the Wind River Range, Wyoming

I watched my sister change each day, her clothes began to sag on her shrinking body, her hair felt brittle and malnourished, her emaciated shoulders looked like they belonged to an eighty year old. During one of her final blood draws, I watched my brave sister stick her arm out towards the nurse. Her arm looked like a pipe cleaner sticking out of the armhole of her T-shirt. While a voice screamed in horror inside of me, I smiled at Melody and admired her bravery and grace.

Mel and her puppy Bailey kayaking at the Pueblo Reservoir

Melody had always been a warrior--tough and athletic from childhood on. We climbed trees, built forts, and played sports with our brothers and neighborhood kids and she was always in the thick of it. In high school, Melody and I played basketball together and won a State Championship in 1979. Later in life, we spent many hours hiking, backpacking, biking, running, kayaking and snowshoeing together. Melody was a fierce competitor and wore a game face etched with heart and determination.

Cheering for the Broncos

My sister, Melody, possessed a light heart and loved to have fun. Always the clown, Melody got a big kick out of making us laugh by recounting her hilarious personal stories told in exaggerated detail with affected voices. She’d go to extremes of covert planning to sneak in a surprise prop like the rubber butt hidden beneath her barbecuing apron that would go unnoticed until she strutted past carrying the platter of hamburger patties. During a backpacking trip when everyone else would be worrying about lightening their load, Melody would pull out chocolate bars, marshmallows and graham crackers she’d been hauling around in her pack for days. On another high-altitude backpacking trip, she packed along a solar MP3 player complete with speakers so we could all dance together on top of Buckskin Pass. Going out of her way to bring joy to others was simply something Melody loved.  

Sergeant Melody Burns

Although Melody and I were at times geographically far apart, we stayed on the same wave length. In the spring of 1999, while I was living in Florida and Melody was living in Colorado, we both decided to uproot and create a new life.  Melody came to Florida and drove back with me to Colorado where we began our lives in Colorado Springs. Together we floundered around taking different jobs trying to create lives that fit us. Several months later, Melody shared that she was going to join the Police Academy in Pueblo, CO.  Instantly, I knew that she had found her next chapter and would excel. On the police force, Melody thrived, becoming a sergeant three years before she passed away. Melody loved her job and felt like she made a difference in peoples’ lives.

Mel loved Mountain biking

Melody was diagnosed with breast cancer when she was 41 years old and bravely fought and beat it.  She was 12 years cancer free when she was diagnosed with Metastatic Melanoma in her left lung.  Melody never had skin cancer externally so we are not sure where it originated, but once it travels internally it is often fatal. Melody was brave in her battle, she never complained, would talk and offer us drinks when we visited, still joked around at times and refused to take too many of the pain pills because she wanted to be as present as possible.

Mel backpacking

Melody talked and entertained us up until her last breath.  In her final hours she got up and walked to the bathroom, sipped a drink of water, sat on the side of the bed and finally removed the oxygen mask from her face.  When prompted to put the mask back on Mel calmly said “no” and peacefully passed away.  Before her passing I felt as though Mel was looking out of a window, which was invisible to us, but she was aware and preparing herself to bravely face her next adventure. My sister the warrior and bright light in this world gracefully flew away.

L to R: Kerry, Mel, Me and Marty

Two years have passed. Those of us left behind have no choice but to continue moving forward without Melody. As for me: I have been broke and somewhat rebuilt, I have been swallowed by the depths of anguish and despair and spit back out, the gaping hole in my soul seems to be smaller and less raw, and I have found light where at one time there seemed to be only darkness. A loss so profound I am beyond words most of the time, grief is persistent and powerful. Holding and feeling Melody in my heart I am somewhere between two years ago and today…..wandering….trying to catch up. If only I could march forward as smoothly and efficiently as time.

Strength and joy come from the many great memories and adventures together and the realization of how lucky I was to have Melody for 51 years. I will be forever grateful! I love you Mel... Always in my heart!! Honoring and celebrating a life of beauty and struggle.... a life well lived.

Mel and Bailey snowshoeing

Mel and Bailey

Annette, Mel Kristy, Barb Zipline adventure

Barb, Mel, Kristy Maroon Bells, CO

Kristy, Mel, Lynn, Barb cheering for the Broncos

Lynn, Kristy, Annette, Mel, Barb. Four pass loop, CO

Our niece Jamie and Mel

High school State Champs

Kristy, Mel and Jamie

Mel on the beach in Oregon

Mel and Shug raising money for the Humane Society (Shug loved her auntie)

Sisters forever